I knew this day would come..the day when I can finally set my mind free without even noticing it. When did I even stop caring? I don’t even know, to be honest. Yes, I think about him. Yes, I wait for his messages. Yes I feel annoyed when he doesn’t even give a shit about me, but it just feels different now. I’m not the girl I used to be, and I changed when I met him. Honestly, I miss the old me.
I miss being happy by just watching the movies that I love. I miss being happy by just reading posts from 9gag or watching videos from different Facebook pages. I miss laughing out loud without even worrying about receiving messages or not. I miss going out with Mom without worrying about not having internet connection to check if he sent a message to me. I miss watching comedy movies and eating without feeling stressed and depressed. I miss listening to happy songs and move like I don’t care if I swag or not. I just miss every piece of me..the me that I used to be.
But when I met him, everything has changed. I cry even the movies that I watch are funny. Instead of reading posts from 9gag, I read sad posts by Poems Porn, No One Cares, OkBye, Sadness and Agony, 11:11 PM, and other Facebook pages that post sad quotations and excerpts. I feel down when I don’t even get a single message from him. I feel bored when I’m outside ’cause I don’t have internet connection to use. I watch sad movies and tragic ones and cry my heart out while watching. I listen to sad songs and heartbreaking classical music and I couldn’t even dance like before. I miss every piece of me..the me that I used to be. When will I ever be happy again? When will I ever be like the old version of me?
Well, he doesn’t know about it. He doesn’t know about the pain that I’m feeling whenever he treats me like I am just begging for his time. I feel like my ego is being crashed into pieces. I always say “It’s okay.” and maybe that gave him the sign that it’s always okay with me. That I will always forgive him. That I will always be here for him. That it’s okay to keep breaking my heart..my foolish heart.
He doesn’t know anything, so keeps on doing things that break my heart.
I hope he can notice it.